Secrets Kept from the Heart
by Katie.Cupcake
Summary: “You won’t,” Lily whispered, pressing her lips against his cheek. “You won’t lose me.” Ever wondered how James' and Lily's relationship started? Did it begin in a web of lies and deceit? JPxLE -- R&R!
1. This Time, We Agree

**A/N:** OK, this just popped into my head. I'm not sure if there is one similar to this, but I thought I'd cut out all the angst and get straight to it. It may be a one-shot; it depends whether or not you like it. So please, please review!

**Summary:** Never before has James kept a secret this big for the Marauders, but if it meant keeping Lily, can he do it?

"Hey," she said softly, placing her cold palm on his cheek. "I was joking."

"It didn't sound like it," he murmured with a bitter edge. "Lily, like you said it's taken me six years. I don't want to loose you."

A bit of JamesxLily fluff. R&R, please!

**Disclaimer:** I never did, never will own Harry Potter. Sigh.

* * *

"Can we not argue?" said the red-head a little wearily. 

"I'm sorry," her companion answered, gently combing a lock of her auburn hair between his fingers. "Sorry."

The feel of her skin against the palm of his hand sent shivers down his spine. He was where he wanted to be most in life; holding his love.

He kissed her softly on her fingertips before taking her hand.

"So, tell me again why we have to keep this so secret?"

The girl sighed and turned to face him, laying down her open book.

"James, for six years I've rejected you. And if anyone found out I'm head-over-heels in love with you-"

"What?"

"What, what?" the girl asked, slightly confused.

"You love me?" his voice was soft, barely audible.

"Did I say that? I meant… well…" a heavy shade of red crept into her cheeks.

"You love me?" he repeated.

"James…"

"Do you?"

"Yes."

James' arms snaked around her shoulders as he pulled her into an embrace, nuzzling her hair.

"I love you too, Lilyflower."

"Don't call me that!" she said delicately, pulling away and slapping him lightly on the shoulder. Of course, she wasn't actually irate with him, just finding something to hide her embarrassment.

Smiling slightly, Lily retook her position and twisted around so that she was leaning against his chest. The colour in her cheeks hadn't yet faded. James inhaled her bittersweet scent as he pressed his cheek into the side of her head, reading over her shoulder.

"So, what _is_ the reason?"

"What, for being secretive?" Lily asked with a yawn, turning the page in her book.

"Yep..."

"Well someone might think that you've poisoned me. You know, with love potion. I mean, we started our relationship with me yelling at you…"

James pursed his lips. "However unlikely that seems, I still don't get why. That would affect me, wouldn't it? Not you."

"That's the point," Lily said coyly, the blush vivid on her flesh. "It would affect you…"

"Aw, she cares for me."

"Of course I do, you loon."

"Can't we just tell the Marauders, and of course, your gang?" he asked gently.

"Can we just wait, a little bit? _I'm_ still trying to get my head around it."

"Clearly," James muttered into her ear.

Lily smirked slightly and converted her gaze to the delicate flames licking their grate. It was nearly midnight and most Gryffindors where tucked up in their beds, oblivious to the couple below them. The common room was still untidy from the day; the house-elves had not yet been to clear up. But as everyone else declared it was bedtime, James and Lily made an excuse of working late. Slowly their friends filtered out and they were left alone.

"Don't you feel bad about lying to Alice and Jennifer?"

"Well, it's not technically lying if they don't ask."

"And if they ask?"

"I'll tell them the truth." She said with a shrug.

"Cheeky bugger!" James said with an edge of faux outrage.

Lily giggled slyly. "Well, you can tell the boys if they ask. I guess. But they have to promise not to tell anyone. And _only _if they ask."

"Are you embarrassed of me, or something?" James grumbled, pulling her further onto his lap.

"Immensely."

Lily caught a glimpse of his face as she trained her gaze on him. Hurt dwelled in the soft centre of his hazel eyes as he bowed his head.

"Hey," she said softly, placing her cold palm on his cheek. "I was joking."

"It didn't sound like it," he murmured with a bitter edge. "Lily, like you said it's taken me six years. I don't want to loose you."

"You won't," Lily whispered, pressing her lips against his cheek. "You won't loose me."

The orange glow that spread from the fire illuminated the smile that spread across James' face as he nuzzled into Lily's hair.

She didn't quite manage to stifle a yawn as she folded the corner of her book and set it down on the table.

"C'mon Lils. Bedtime."

"Don't you dare!" she hissed threateningly as a mischievous glint sparked in his eyes.

James secured his arms around her body and stood abruptly up, holding her like a baby.

"James Potter, put me down this instant!" she hissed, struggling in his grasp. This was rather difficult, being chaser on the Quidditch team, his muscled physique proved no match for Lily's fragile one. "Put me _down!_"

"No, no, Lily. Don't make me drop you." He said with a smirk as he made his way to the spiral staircase.

First step.

Second step.

Third step.

"AH!" he yelled as the floor below him swiftly transformed into a flat surface and the two Gryffindors landed in a heap at the foot of the stairs, Lily laughing hysterically.

"Good work, hot-shot." She whispered in between giggles. The smile rapidly slipped off her lips as a sign of recognition appeared in replacement. "Someone must have heard that." she added worriedly.

James smiled softly at the look of pure fear at being caught on Lily's face. He leant in slowly and took her hand.

"Good night, love." And kissed her delicately on the lips.

Not for the first time in her life, Lily's heart back flipped in her chest. Her breathing was short and sharp as they parted; a smile on James' face as Lily blushed wildly.

Never would he admit it, but when James gazed directly into her eyes, his heart couldn't help but ache. He wasn't the sort of soppy, romantic type, but for Lily, he would do anything.

"Good night, James."

* * *

**A/N: **How was it? I apologise if you didn't like it, and I also apologise- seeing as I'm English- the English spellings that differ from the American version. Just ignore it. (: 


	2. Don't Listen to Another Word

**A/N:** I'm sorry that it's kind of rushed.

**Disclaimer:** It doesn't belong to me? OK? xD

* * *

Darkness was gradually falling, steadily swallowing the pink-blue of the setting sun. Sitting cross-legged on a bed was a Gryffindor girl, gently plaiting her hair. A brilliant shade of green, were her eyes, shaped like almonds. She was resting against a bedpost, surveying the boy reading below her. 

"What did you tell them?" she said kindly, laying her hand on his head.

"I didn't," James said with a shrug. "They're in the Great Hall and I said I'll be in the common room."

Lily sighed. "I'm sorry, James. I'm expecting too much from you."

He chuckled softly. "Lil, I understand. But we will have to tell them _sometime_…"

"I know." Lily smiled weakly as she pictured her friends' reactions. "So, will I see you tonight?"

"Sure thing, Lils."

There was a stretch of silence that was only broken by the rustle of James' book and the occasional cough from Lily as she attempted to sleep.

"Lily?"

"Mm?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Yes," she mumbled, hugging his pillow to her chest. It smelt divine, the sweet smell of James. Never ever would she ever admit to thinking this. Not ever.

"OK."

More silence.

"Lily?" his voice was soft now.

Silence.

"I love you," he whispered fondly, unconscious that Lily was blushing to her neckline at that very moment.

"Prongs, is that you?" called a muffled voice, somewhere down below.

"Oh, crap," James moaned, jumping to his feet, nudging Lily. "Shout at me!"

"What?"

"Shout and scream, just hate me!"

Lily inhaled deeply as the footsteps got closer. "Don't listen to another word I say."

James snapped his book closed and held it out to Lily. The door flew open, and instinct took over.

"Potter, give me back my diary!" Lily cried, using every ounce of hatred in her body. "Give. It. _Back!_"

"Aw, come on, Evans, lighten up." James said with a grin, clasping the book harder.

"You arrogant _pig!_" she screamed, snatching back the black book.

Without another word, she turned on heel and barged passed the bewildered Marauders, storming into her dormitory.

"Lily! There you are. We thought you'd got lost."

* * *

"Prongs, what was that about?" Remus asked, thoroughly baffled as he sifted through an avalanche of items in his trunk. 

"Nothing," James said with a shrug. "Just forget it."

"Whatever, mate." Sirius said with a worried look at his friend.

"Remus, what's that?" Peter added with a squeak as Remus laid out many scrolls of parchment across his bed.

"Charts," he replied with a grimace.

"Oh."

"Full-moon tonight?" Sirius asked mildly.

Remus grimaced again and nodded.

"Aw, don't worry, Moony." James said, patting his friend on the back.

"Pssh, easy for you to say."

"Well, it's not really-" began Peter but he was immediately shushed by James and Sirius.

"So, you up for it tonight, Prongs?"

_Tonight._

_Tonight._

_Tonight._

"Oh, crap!" James exclaimed, clenching his fists by his side.

"What?" Remus asked with an alarmed expression on his face.

"Uh, nothing."

_Nothing. _Thought James. _Nothing, my arse._

James ran a fretful hand through his hair. What was he going to do? It wasn't as if he could _tell _Lily about the Marauders' biggest secret, despite how much he loved her.And he certainly couldn't just ditch her. But Remus needed him more. There was no doubt about that. Maybe she'd understand. Maybe if she loved him truly…

"Prongs?" Sirius asked quietly. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"If you say so," added Peter, watching Remus roll up his scrolls and place them in the bottom of his trunk.

"OK, troops. Let's get ready."

And with a forced smile on his face, James collected the Map and the Cloak and prepared himself for the night's events.

* * *

**A/N **I don't really like that chapter, very much. 

Let me know what _you_ think! Please feedback!  
Thanks!


	3. If Thruth Be Told

**A/N:** I apologise so very much for abandoning this fic, but I'm back, and I vow to update regularly. And if I don't, send me an irate PM. :)

Thank you to my proof reader, Jennikins, who deserves every review she gets. And who will be, hopefully, smiling when she reads this. Now she definitely is. Thank you to all five reviews, also. xD

Happy Valentines Day, to you all!

**Disclaimer: **It's all JK's, okay? Don't torture me anymore.

* * *

"Alice, Alice wait!"

The round-faced girl turned quickly on the spot as a pink-faced James Potter caught up with her, running a hand hurriedly through his windswept hair. Alice raised her eyebrow, bewilderment sweeping across her features. It was a rare moment when James Potter would start a conversation with Alice Hampton of all people, and ever rarer to have him address her by her first name.

"James," she greeted with a small smile. Alice wasn't a loud girl; in fact, she was actually rather coy.

"Alice," James began breathlessly. "I need you to give this to… to Evans." He held out a white scroll of parchment, sealed by an old-fashioned blob of red wax. "Can you do that?"

Alice touched the parchment and looked enquiringly into James' eyes. "But what-?"

"And don't read it." his tone was pleading, pitiful almost. "Please, Alice?"

"Okay," Alice paused. "And James? If it's a clichéd Valentines Day card, let me tell you, Lily won't be pleased."

James grinned fleetingly as Alice plucked the letter from his fingertips. "Just tell her to read it before burning it, okay? I put a lot of effort into that thing. Plus, it's not even Valentines Day yet."

"Will be in about three hours." Alice sighed dramatically and began towards the Girls Dormitory. "Let's just hope your effort prevents you from getting hexed."

Amused, James shook his head as Alice's brunette hair whipped out of sight. If anyone should get an award for best actor, it should be him.

The portrait hole opened abruptly and Sirius poked his head around it. "Prongs, you coming?" he was holding a silvery cloak; it looked almost like water woven into material.

"Yeah," James inhaled deeply before following Sirius, the Fat Lady swinging closed behind them.

"Up for an adventure?" Sirius asked elatedly, yet in a whisper, as he covered them both with the material.

"Sure am. Where's Moony and Wormtail?"

"Already down there."

* * *

Silver moonlight rained down through the window, bathing the room in its delicate glow. The time was approaching midnight and two out of the five beds were occupied by sleeping Gryffindors. Two girls were positioned near the door, seated upon two parallel chairs and discussing something under their breath.

"Jen, I can't just open it. I told him I wouldn't. Plus, Lily would know. It's sealed."

"Aw, c'mon. It's not like she would mind, she's not even here yet. Besides, when do you care what James Potter says?"

"I said I wouldn't!"

"I'll do it then."

Jennifer grasped the letter and prised it from her unwilling hands. "I had nothing to do with this." Alice said with a sigh, leaning back on the legs of her chair.

Jennifer rolled her eyes as she slid a finger under the seal. "Chicken."

"Sure am."

Shaking her head with an amused smile on her lips, she began to break through the wax that fastened the letter.

"What are you doing?"

Lily was standing in the doorway, leaning against its frame with an appraising look in her eyes. She was gazing down on the two- Jennifer who was now on the floor- looking between their guilty faces.

"Lily, don't _do_ that!" breathed Jennifer, clutching her thumping heart. "You scared the life outa' me."

"What's this?" Lily asked pryingly, gently touching the envelope that had fallen onto the chair.

"James asked me to give it to you." Alice said quickly, fulfilling her duty by grasping it from Lily's fingertips and holding it out to her.

"Uh, okay," she said, seizing it and trying to bite back a blush and a giggle. "Wait, did you open this?"

Her gaze darkened, the slightest hint of fear flashing across her smile. "Did you open this?"

"Uh," Alice looked from Jennifer and back to Lily, cowering under her gaze.

Jennifer gulped, but began speaking all the same. "I did. I didn't think it would have-"

There was a moment of silence where every ounce of emotion disappeared from Lily's expression, her knuckles turning white due to her grip upon the parchment.

"Lily, are you okay?" Alice said slowly, resting a hand on her friends' forearm.

A bright, forced smile danced across her lips and when she spoke, her voice was strangely shrill. "Sure, don't worry about it. I'm just gonna' go read in the-"

She indicated behind her and hurriedly rushed from the room, holding the letter to her chest. Exhaling relief, Lily collapsed on an armchair near the dying fire and held out the letter. Perhaps this would explain why he was late?

Her fingers traced the purple ink on the front of the letter: her name in James' untidy scrawl. She smiled softly and flipped the parchment over as she began to slit the envelope. A second piece of creased, folded parchment fell into her lap and with her heart flitting about in her chest, she began to read.

_Dearest Lily,_

_Please don't be mad at me but I can't make it tonight._

_I promised you that I wouldn't lie to you, and that is why I won't make up an excuse. But I ask you, please, not to ask me where I am, and that way, I won't _have_ to lie. I don't want you to be angry, but I agreed to this a long time ago. _

There was a blob of ink on the parchment and several crossings out, many including something along the lines of: 'if you love me…'

_Please understand; for me?_

_I'm sorry._

_I love you._

_James._

If truth be told, anger was the last thing in her mind at that moment. James had written her a letter, explaining his absence and relaying his utter most apologies. How could she be annoyed at that? But what was really worrying her was what he was up to. Cold fingers of fear gripped at her heart, hissing unnecessary worries into her head.

The minutes crept past in their infuriating slow manner with Lily constantly fingering James' unusually tidy handwriting, tracing over and over the words 'love' and 'James'. An aching feeling replaced her apprehension as she gazed into James' empty space beside her. A fleeting smile crossed her face as she imagined him grinning provokingly and teasing her: 'missing me already, Evans?'

Still clutching the letter to her heart, she allowed sleep to swallow her into dreams filled with ambiguity.

An explosion of green light as fireworks shot into the sky; a raven-haired boy laughing joyously and embracing a girl with stunning, auburn locks; the glint of a diamond ring positioned on her finger; a high-pitched scream and the soft, comforting murmurs as she was lifted from her feet…

"Lily," the gentle murmurs were clearer now as she felt the softness of cold skin brush against her cheek. "Lily, wake up."

Jerking awake, she groaned reluctantly. Lily's eyes fluttered open and locked with James' hazel ones. He was carrying her again, holding her securely against his chest and gazing down at her with an adoring smile painted across his lips. With a gasp, she reached out and gently touched the purple bruising across his cheek, eyes dilated with fear. "James, what happened?"

"Happy Valentines, love." James said softly, ignoring her penetrating gaze, leaning down and kissing her affectionately on the lips.

The blush rose instantly into her cheeks as James broke away and Lily smiled softly. "James?"

"Yep?"

"Put me down."

James laughed heartedly and set her on her feet. She squeezed her eyes shut at the sudden head rush and opened them to find James inches away from her, his arms meandering around her waist. "So, you're not angry at me, then?"

"Of course not."

"And you're not going to ask me where I was?"

"Didn't' you say-?"

"Just testing you."

Lily rolled her eyes and leant her head against his chest. "I had a weird dream."

"You did?" James said half-heartedly, inhaling her scent and pressing his lips against her forehead.

"We were married. I think."

James stepped backwards slightly and looked down at Lily's bashful face. "And how do you feel about that?"

"Are you implying something?"

"It depends what you think I'm implying."

Lily frowned in thought and giggled slyly. "Shall we change the subject?"

"Of course."

Lily closed the space between the two and pushed a lock of hair out of her face. "So, what did you get me for Valentines?"

With an eye roll, James cupped her face in his hands. "Well, you'll have to wait until the day is official."

With a furtive smile at Lily's unimpressed expression, he leant forwards slowly and kissed her. Lily's arms snaked around his neck as she returned his kiss, her tongue tracing his lips. James secured his grip around her waist before lifting her of her feet.

Lily broke away laughing, kissing his cheek. "Kay, James, I think I should sleep now."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Lily smiled softly, and yet, she didn't blush. "I love you too."

"Don't leave me."

"I won't. Not ever."

* * *

**A/N: **There you are.

I think I may do another chapter sooner than I should, because I haven't for so long. Let me know?


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